Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
