the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
