When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
