apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
