Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
