This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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