I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
