Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
