We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
