wat bout pragnant strippers??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
