Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want her autograph on my taint
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
