apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there is glitter all over my balls
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
