I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so let's talk penis.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
