You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
