I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
