the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
