I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
