let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
