so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
