I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
