i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i love accidental penises.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
