just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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