I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
