awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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