Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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