1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
