Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
