i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
