After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
