I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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