apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
