so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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