i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Less talking, more tequila
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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