omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
