He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
