I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
