I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
