Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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