I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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