All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize