i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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