i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
