I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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