God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
