So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
