This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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