I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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