I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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