Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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