is your mom at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
