That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
