"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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