guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
