i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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