he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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