she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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