i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
